Expectations . . .

Can you recall the feeling you had when something didn't  go quite how you wanted? For example . . . A friend encounters your significant other acting out a lie and then decides to side with your significant other in the lie and keep you in the dark . . . Imagining that scenario, can you imagine the emotions that arise? Can you imagine how hurt you felt by both and can you imagine the betrayal that you feel from that friend?

Well, all of that, my dear, is expectation. Expectation according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary is "a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen" another definition that it gives is "a feeling or belief about how successful, good etc., someone or something will be"

The truth is, expectation is the root of hurt. Like the opening scenario, one would expect that the friend would side with you and not your significant other, hence the hurt. Expectations causes stress, causes depression, causes frustration all of which deteriorates our body and our health. That is not the way to live ! ! !

 As we approach 2015 let your New Years Resolution be to toss expectations out the door! Let us grab life as it comes, let us live in the moment. Life is too short and too precious to allow expectations to rip us apart into invaluable pieces. Yes we hope for the best, yes we plan but life does not stick to the "ideal" box that we put it in.

 Enter 2015 defying all odds, breaking free of the box that others have placed you in, and live and love without boundaries. 

‘I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.’ ~Dalai Lama

Unemployment is a *****

I am a newly unemployed individual in the island of Jamaica. I was made redundant due to organizational restructuring (or so they say).  I have always known the heart rending process of seeking gainful employment as I have encountered quite a few individuals who have been seeking work. The climate in some organizations in Jamaica is of such . . . If you do not know somebody who is able to assist you in getting a foot into an organization, then "dog nyam you supper" as it will be a tedious and drawn out process as it is for me. A young woman, trying to complete my University degree, but each time as I approach that mark, I hit a bump, this time around, with roughly one and a half year to go, I have hit the unemployment mark, with no funding to complete my studies.

It was mentioned to me that on average it would take a "qualified" individual three months to acquire gainful employment, as for me . . . well . . . I am at my three month mark, with more frustrations than ever before. From being called into the Human Resources Manager's office on the Monday to be told that effective the Tuesday, September 30, 2014 would be my last day, I have been seeking employment. I have lost track of the countless resumes that I have sent out, I have lost track of the nights and days that I comb the newspapers and websites, I have lost track of the countless cold call resumes that I have sent out only to be called on three interviews. To give a grand idea of the ridiculousness that I, Pending degree in Marketing with a Minor in Administrative and Information Systems Management, and I with over seven years work experience in various aspects face. One interviewer was begging me to take the job which would pay me $40,000.00 a month before tax, to supervise his staff, market his company, reconstruct his website, develop a Facebook page for his organization and also to launch a new product that they are about to delve into to varying organizations. Please to note, I am not averse to work, I enjoy work, I was looking forward to those tasks, but they could only be achieved if I was to work from home. The proposed funds would not have me at work for the entire month, maybe a week at most. and not to forget, any vehicle that I have access to, is an asset to the organization, for the same funds.

According to articles published on the JIS website dated November 5, 2014, it has been reported that unemployment has declined by 11% (well as of July) oh the irony of ironies (to borrow a phrase from The Polished Hoe) why are jobs still so hard to get? Why are employers utilizing the phrase of  "oh the economic climate" when they know that they are not affected by it (except for the chikungunya outbreak that decreased production drastically for many).

What about creating my own employment? I have been attempting that avenue, let me see how much fruit will be born from that tree. To extract a paragraph from an article published in The Gleaner dated February 19, 2014 by Dr. Andre` Haughton:

Unemployment among youth and women has increased despite a fall in the overall unemployment rate. More adult men have been given jobs relative to young people and women. Growth projections for this year are positive; therefore, we expect a further reduction in the unemployment rate for this year as well. Overall, the onus is on us to create jobs of our own via entrepreneurship and enterprising. In this modern world, it is useless to sit and rely on others, including the Government, to create employment opportunities on our behalf. 

 http://jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20140219/lead/lead94.html

http://jis.gov.jm/statin-reports-11-per-cent-decline-unemployment/

http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/news/PHOTO--Long-line-for-hotel-jobs

Sibling . . . Rivalry?!

Imagine growing up the youngest of three, being seven and five years apart and they never grew up with you nor did they grow up together. You see, my parents each had a child  before they got married, my father begat my brother and my mother begat my sister, then they got married and created this awesome creation called me. All my life, I was somewhat close to my sister but never to my brother; I wrote, I begged, I beseech my parents to please create some ways in which I could be close to my brother. One such cry was evident in a notes post titled "25 Random Things About Me" that I made on Facebook in February 2009:

18.wished i had a close relationship with my brother

At that stage I had just gained my legality in all of the world, so yes I was fairly young, but not that young for me to still be having pains over the absence of a relationship with my brother, however I still yearned for it.

Then there is my sister, We had somewhat of a relationship where everywhere I went it was “hey, this is my little sister” OK yea, I cannot change that fact even if she dies, I am still her little sister as that fact will never be erased. So she was always here, having me behind her everywhere, doing majority of the things she wants till it became annoying like sis why the hell do you have to constantly be calling me just to sit beside you and I was just there less than a minute ago?!

Then there is me, the young one, the miserable one, the one who closes out the world and sticks to herself, however there is good reason for that. I have always been shut out so therefore I just accept it and stay to myself. I love my family, but honestly I cannot stand them!!! As for my siblings . . . I have come to the realization that I have a strong dislike for them. Why do I have this strong dislike?! Hmmmm . . . Is it that I am too caught up in myself? stuck in my “fairy-tale” world? Am I truly the problem?!

When I relayed the story to a friend, they could not imagine why I would be in a situation of such, because I am so “warm” (I say that warmth is relative) and always looking out for others (that is true until you give me a reason to be colder than Pluto and Antarctica put together). So why is there this great discord with my brother and I, My sister and I, and My brother and sister versus I? To categorize the reason, would be a bunch of ass making (assumptions), so I’ll just relay the happenings in mixed order leaving out a few years of them never playing any role whilst growing up.

1. My sister being overjoyed to relay a message that I was not all too excited to receive about my driving, Somebody complained to her about me driving too fast (side eyeing that person now) and my dear sister whom I have never felt was genuinely happy for me and the acquisition of a vehicle relayed the message in such a manner that pissed me off to the point that I flipped and was just about ready to cuss her out (which I did) and I was then ganged upon by her, my aunt (who I’m also not speaking to, no valid reason but I’m still pissed), my mother and to a lesser extent  . . . my father. Fine, yes I do speed at times, and I do have road rage all the time, however, from before this message came I have been tapering my non-verbal communication on the road. You might be saying, C, what is the reason for you to flip at your sister, I’m pretty sure she meant well?! Well honey, it was because of who the message came from, my sister. All my life (feeling like Sophia from the color purple here) I have felt the need to defend myself around this woman, every single time when she is here . . . We argue to the point of malice, and when she is not here, you guessed it, we don’t really speak, if at all. She is a teacher by profession and once she’s around I am one of her students, she shouts, she commands, she dictates and it pisses me the hell off, because she also does it to mom, it is as if we (well more me for this post) is not good enough for her, and oh yes, let me not forget to insert here the belief that I am my parents prized child -_- . . .

2. They (brother and sister) : I cannot just single out my brother, except for the fact that he NEVER made an attempt to be there for me, when I say that I make reference to him NEVER just calling to say hey, NEVER telling me about ANYTHING that is happening with him among other things (if he reads this and say I am lying I will just quote the scripture to him that daddy always quotes “Lying lips are an abomination unto the Lord”). Now on to “THEY” Scenario#1 that soaked me in gasoline: Bro: “C, you know that you are the one that got most of the parents money, so you will have to be the one to take care of them” – I have no problem taking care of them, because I know they ARE my parents, but since they MIGHT be your parents, could you give some consideration as to not measure your contribution to them? Scenario#2 now this lit the match: Sis: “C, A vehicle is a liability and a house is an asset, you need to take care of the house because when your parents die they will be leaving the house to you” – in the words of my aunt , my mother pissed out two girls and inherited my brother, so why the hell do you believe that I will be the sole inheritor of the house?Scenario#3, now hey, I’m on fire here, somebody please get the fire extinguisher or even call the fire brigade: I have been unemployed for 3 months now . . . My brother has never once asked how the job hunting process is going, nor as he ever forwarded any job leads my way, nor as he ever asked how am I coping, until Sunday passed “C, how are you paying your car loan?” My response “my mother is paying it?” – Why this question? You know you really don’t care . . .

It is at this juncture that I acknowledge that I am an island! It is at this juncture that I realize that the relationship that I have been yearning for from either sibling will not happen, especially my brother as their concern is what money I am getting and Lord knows I wish I had money, the economic climate in Jamaica makes it impossible for anybody to have money , however you choose to classify money. It is at this juncture I say . . . Who cares?! Lord knows I don’t anymore . .